Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
