I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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