Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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