He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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