I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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