I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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