last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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