is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
