I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
