I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
