I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
