why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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