I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
