I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
