I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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