Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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