I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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