is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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