So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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