Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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