There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
