I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
