If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
