I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
