tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
