yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
