Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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