Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
PANTIES FOUND
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
