How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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