Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
