Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
