no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im part way to drunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
