honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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