Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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