Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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