Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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