I will die if light touches me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
