Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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