So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
