I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize