Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
