I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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