happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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