White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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