Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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