We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
