Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
