I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
