you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
