Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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