i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
