Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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