she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
