Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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