They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
