My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
