And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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