I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
