Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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