She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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