If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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